Bridges
by Chirugal
Summary: Set after Cold Fusion, major spoilers. At the hospital, Boyd watches over Spence, and Stella watches over Boyd. Introspection fic. BoydxStella, oneshot, complete.


**BRIDGES** by Chirugal

**Rating:** K+

**Author's Note**: Just another quick one-shot, set about a week after _Cold Fusion_. I still love my Stella…! Absolutely no plot whatsoever – I hold my hands up to this. Please tell me what you think!

* * *

_Stella_

I watch him, watching Spence. It's all I can do.

The Cold Case Unit has ground to a complete standstill. Spence still hasn't come around, Boyd alternates between sorting out the Cherry Tree Farm mess and keeping vigil here, at his friend's side. As for me, I'm suspended from the force 'until further notice'.

And rightly so. I broke the law, just because Bill told me to. Even through the sickening suspicion that took hold of me when I heard about the Central Labs fire, I persisted. Blindly agreed when he asked me to corrupt that hard drive.

I deserve Felix's scorn, Grace's reserve. More than anything else, I deserve Boyd's contempt. I can see it, subtle, lurking beneath the surface whenever he looks at me, and it kills me. He accused me of betraying them all, and I know he was right to say it.

But worse than that, I can see his pain, the personal betrayal that cuts ten times deeper than the professional.

I know they all wonder, in secret corners of their minds. Did I know beforehand about the book-bomb? Or that McQueen was responsible for Cherry Tree Farm? What else am I keeping from them? It'll take a long time for them to trust me again. That is, if they ever do. If I'm not asked to leave the force, and if they don't request that I be transferred to another division.

Boyd told me he'd do everything in his power to ensure I'm let off lightly. I wonder how much of that is because of the chemistry between us, and how much because of his promise to Bill Drake.

If I could only turn back the clock… I love my job. The banter that gets thrown around the office as we work on a case, the way everyone's so comfortable with each other. The quick grins Boyd shoots me whenever I'm onto something.

I jeopardised it all, and no amount of apologies will help. I can only watch from a distance, unable to explain to my mother why I won't be attending Bill Drake's funeral, powerless to bridge the gap I caused between the Cold Case Unit and I.

Between Boyd and I.

* * *

_Boyd_

She doesn't know I know she's there. It's simpler that way. Every time I speak to her there's a faint undercurrent of anger in my voice, and I see how much it hurts her. In turn, that hurts me.

I'm perfectly entitled to be angry – of course I am. And I'm sure she wouldn't dispute that either. But I can tell she never meant for any of this to happen. She doesn't have a vindictive bone in her body. She's impulsive and hot-tempered, and sometimes she doesn't think things through, but she would never hurt any of us intentionally. It makes me sick to see how Drake used her. She was destined for high places – and now, this.

She thinks I hate her, but that's far from the truth. A part of me wishes I did. It would make things a lot less complicated.

They say it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. What they never mention, though, is that the line between loving and losing isn't that clear-cut. I could look up, smile at her, ask her how she is. Try to ignore the fact that when she was forced to choose where her loyalties lay, she didn't choose me. But though we'd act normal, it'd be a lie. I can't begin to forgive her until I've gotten this bitterness out of my system – yelled at her, told her exactly what I think.

With things the way they are with Spence, I can't seem to muster the energy. Since all the commotion, I've felt emotionally drained. There's one good thing about all this – if it had never happened, if I hadn't realised how corrupt Drake was, I would have continued down the same road I was on. I crossed a line with Steven Hunt, and I would have crossed it again, and again.

In a way, I'm grateful to Stella for giving me that perspective – even though she didn't mean to. But there's still a long way to go before I can even think about telling her that.

* * *

_Stella_

He thinks I don't know he's noticed me. But it's there, in the careful blankness of his expression, where before there was raw pain. I see it in his shifted stance as he concentrates too fixedly on Spence's heart monitor.

So I step away from the doorway and move down the hall. Leaving him to his own thoughts, allowing him to relax, if only a little.

It's the least I can do for him.

* * *

**As I said, totally without plot. XD**


End file.
